All Natural

I live in Colorado farm country. That blends a very dry climate with some hard-working and practical folks.

Which means you see some weird stuff at the farm store. As I stood in the checkout line, I saw a little display box containing little white tubes of a product called Chicken Poop Lip Junk.

Story_squareIt isn’t a joke product. It gets great reviews as the best lip moisturizer ever.

And there’s no poop in it, they state.

I’m a farm kid and there isn’t much that is gross to me, but I’m having trouble thinking of smearing Chicken Poop Lip Junk on my lips.

But there was more at the counter.

Near the Chicken Poop Lip Junk was another box of tubes labelled “Crack Zap It.” This stuff is guaranteed to eliminate the cracks in your fingers in three days. You roll it on like lip balm but on your fingertips, hangnails, peeling skin.

We’re talking dry skin like Mojave desert dry. This is skin that erupts from hard-working hands that handle oil, mud, and cold weather.

I asked my dear husband, who works outside a lot and knows all about cracked finger tips. He liked the idea of Crack Zap It.

“Why don’t you just use hand lotion?” I said.

“I tried it but it’s not thick enough. This stuff might work.” He stared at the wall for a moment. “Do we have any cow salve?”

Cow Salve is a thick product originally used for a cow’s chapped udder but has found new life as a heavy-duty skin ointment.

The lesson for today is that, if you live in farm country, your dry skin is not an issue. You can lather on Chicken Poop Lip Junk, Crack Zap It, and Cow Salve.

All natural, of course.


Hiding out

Hollywood’s car chases keep getting faster, louder, more explosive and destructive. Where would we be if Jason Bourne hadn’t destroyed innumerable police cars, several taxis and a few SUVs?

But my favorite car chase included a few cell phones, corn fields and an arrogant thief.

After holding up a convenience store on the Interstate highway in western Nebraska, the young man leaped into his car and raced away. As his speed zoomed over 100 mph at times, he probably assumed he could outrun the State Patrol.

Soon he had the Patrol out in full-force following him into Colorado. The driver soon realized he couldn’t outrun their radios and that reinforcements were assembling in front of him.

A couple of towns flashed by, hardly blips in his vision at his speed, before he swung onto an exit and headed into farm country.

Out where only corn and wheat fields swayed in the wind. No State Patrol. He could hide.

So the driver flew down dirt roads with no worries. He’d lost his trackers.

But he didn’t understand the nature of the rural mind.

Farmers tend those corn and wheat fields. And they know the traffic on those country roads. When an unknown car flashed by at high speed, a farmer grabbed his cell phone and called a neighbor. That neighbor called a neighbor.

Before long, the sheriff was alerted as farmers tracked the car careening through the farmland through cell phone calls.

While the racing thief thought he had outsmarted law enforcement, the network of farmers calmly plotted his course and helped the sheriff lay out a plan.

The sheriff and his deputies blocked the road ahead and behind because they knew exactly where their man had been. And was going. He was nailed.

So, don’t think that you’re hiding in farm country. You’ve never been more exposed.