Uncle Walter’s trip home

After Uncle Walter had saved $4000 on his wife’s funeral, it was only fair that his daughters used the same tactic when it was time for his funeral.

SPEEDUP0512_1_KB_6292966-600x399Walter, age 93, died in Yuma, Arizona but had asked to be buried in Colorado – a trip of about 760 miles. When his daughters learned that the funeral home wanted $4000 to transport his body, they decided to do it themselves.

That’s what Walter had done when his wife died – and they could do the same for him.

But saving $4000 is not so easy.

Complicating the issue was that Walter had two rifles he wanted given to his grandsons in Monte Vista.

The two daughters, Pamela and Jane, piled into Pamela’s van with Walter and the rifles in the back and started out. They realized after a few hours that they were running late so they picked up their speed.

It wasn’t long before the flashing red State Patrol lights came up behind them and Pamela pulled over.

“Do you know what the speed limit is?” the officer asked when he got to the driver’s window.

With the speed limit sign sitting right in front of the van, Pamela had to fess up. “Yes, 65 mph.”

“I clocked you at 83,” he said. “What’s your big hurry?”

How do you explain that you have a body in the back and you need to get it to the funeral home by 7 pm? Well, Pamela gave it a try. “It’s my father,” she concluded.

The officer jerked away from the van, his eyes bouncing toward the van window but then he turned away.

Jane leaned across her sister to wave a note from the funeral home in Yuma. He glanced at the paper and then skittered back to his car.

“Do you think he’ll ask about the rifles back there?” Jane said.

They didn’t have any paperwork for the guns. They were traveling from one state to another with a dead body and two rifles. This couldn’t be good.

They both stared straight ahead, then, trying to look as innocent and inconspicuous as two middle-age women caught speeding down the highway in a van carrying a dead body could look.

The patrolman came back to the window, never looking at the back of the van. He tossed the warning into the front seat. “Go ahead,” he said, leaning away from the vehicle. “Be more careful, OK?” He nearly sprinted back to his car and raced away.

So the sisters pulled away from the shoulder of the road. “Dad,” said Pamela, “You got us out of a tight spot again.”

And saved them $4000 to boot.



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